Exposing Myself in Q & A

My experience as entering into this mothering world was NO WHERE near the way I imagined it.  So I filled in the questions in one of the baby books I got and felt the answers were important to share with you all in order for you to get to know me, as a blogger and why I blog, more.

Drowsy (drugged) mommy and elated daddy with precious Newbie Jossie Wossie

Q:  What do you wish someone had told you about new motherhood before the baby was born?
A:  There's so much I wish someone had told me, but ultimately I would want to know to be aware of the sudden emotional changes after birth and be willing to be flexible after birth expectations and to always communicate how you feel.  When I was pregnant I was raising 7 other boys so I was adamant about having the boys with me as a family after Joss was born, and I wanted to keep things as normal for everyone, but once we returned from the hospital and the "baby blues" hit, I emotionally wanted to be alone with the baby and I withdrew from everyone.  Eventually I started communicating my emotions and people were willing to help and step in to allow me "baby time".  I wish someone would have just said that "you may not know at all what you'll want after baby comes."

Q:  Can you give me 2 or 3 more?
A:  I wish someone would have told me more about the healing process after giving birth.  I was so unaware of what was to come that I had planned on getting right back on my feet, but that wasn't the case for me.  Also, I wish that someone would have emphasized the importance on feeding from both breasts, I was lopsided for months!!!

Q:  What was the happiest moment you experienced early on?
A:  It was hard for me in the beginning 'cause I was hit hard by the "baby blues" and then we left our home in Arkansas to move back to California, so emotionally I'm still struggling with "happiest moments" but a huge moment was when I was feeding her and I had just a 'click' moment and I just looked at her face and felt completely at peace in my heart.

Q:  What were your initial feelings about your baby?
A:  I was constantly worried about her.  After leaving the hospital and the security of knowing there were nurses by her side, I was so paranoid.  We came home to a house of 7 boys, all anxious to meet her but most were sick.  I kept her close to me and in my arms at all times trying to shield her from all the 'elements'.  I constantly watched her breathing and I freaked at every sound she made afraid that something might be wrong.

Q:  Did you feel how you expected after birth?
A:  Absolutely NOT!  I really wanted to go without an epidural and pain medication, but that wasn't the case since I was induced.  Also, I had a 3rd degree tear that caused some serious pain.  I was in a lot of pain for weeks as well as emotionally sad. I was expecting to be ready to go full speed ahead by day 2.  Boy, was I ignorant.

Q:  When did you start thinking of yourself as a mother?
A:  I was waiting for some miraculous moment where I would just feel it, like it would just kick in, but it never did.  I thought maybe something was wrong, but then I realized I that I already was.  I had been graced with motherhood when I was introduced to seven beautiful boys, so my daughter just added to the list of loves.

Q:  In what ways did you feel sure of yourself as a mother?
A:  No matter if I make a mistake in the decisions on how we raise our children, I know that my husband and I do it out of love and a desire to see our children know who their Savior is and become people who desire to see Love spread throughout this world and that's what grounds me as a mother.

Q:  What does it feel like to be really sleep deprived?
A:  Horrible.  It is so tiring, but honestly, in the beginning I was so driven by making sure my children were all safe and sound that I didn't care how tired I was that once I became secure in their safety and health (especially Joss as a newborn), the reality of how little sleep kicked in and every part of your body screams to lie down and shut down.  It truly is horrible.

Q:  How do you relax as a mother of a newborn?
A:  I have the greatest husband who've I've mentally handed over nurturing duties over too.  As much as I am the nurturer to my children, I share it with my husband and that allows me the ability to relax at times and do some of the things I need to do and love to do.  Often I keep updated with friends via the internet which is quite relaxing.  I blog and journal.  Often my husband takes the baby so I can do those things I love to do.  He is so great.  I think that the easiest way for a mother to relax is to believe whole heartedly that if she was no longer around her husband could take care of her children, and I found that with my husband and no matter if I'm with my children or in my own quiet time, I'm always relaxed.

Q:  Do you have anything else to add?
A:  Also, I am quite the worrier in the family, so I've decided that the best way to channel that worry into peace is to write letters to my daughter every day.  I've started a book for her of letters that I write all expressing love in different ways.  I tell her about how her father and I met, about the seven brothers she has back in Arkansas, and her different quirks that we learn each day.  That for me, is the most gratifying "me time" I get.

{Questions were taken out of The Baby File by Amanda R. Dobbins}